~ Unselfish Joy ~
"If I am only happy for myself then there are few chances for happiness.
If I am happy when good things happen to other people,
there are billions more chances for happiness"
HH The Dalai Lama
If I am happy when good things happen to other people,
there are billions more chances for happiness"
HH The Dalai Lama
Unselfish joy is the emotion we feel when we take joy in the lives of others or in life itself. In Buddhism, it is one of the Bramaviharas or Divine Abodes. This can be a difficult notion to grasp because it is not a familiar or distinct concept in the dominant western culture. But in Asian cultures, it is much more accepted and established.
It's really quite simple. Unselfish joy is taking pleasure in the positive things in someone else’s life. It is the joy we can feel when we reflect on other people’s happiness, positive qualities or achievements. It’s the idea that we can be happy just because someone else is happy or doing well. It's also about taking pleasure in the beauty and goodness of life. For example, the joy we feel when we notice a spectacular sunset or a magnificent waterfall. Or the joy we feel when we notice the kindness and generosity of others.
Unselfish joy takes us out of ourselves and our self-centered ways of thinking and puts our attention on others. Displacing thoughts of “I’, “me” and “mine”, it softens the story of self and unlocks warm feelings towards everyone and everything.
Here’s an example: When he was very young, my son used to play T-ball – a version of baseball for very young children. Whenever any of the players scored a run, everyone erupted in cheers. Parents, coaches and even the other kids. It did not matter who scored or which team they were on. Everyone rejoiced in the runner’s accomplishment. His or her achievement became theirs. In the same way, we can take pleasure in others’ happiness.
So now let’s look at unselfish joy in a bit more detail. In my experience, it’s strongly connected with three other emotions: A feeling of inner abundance, gratitude, and generosity.
First, unselfish joy depends on and cultivates a sense of inner abundance. Our hearts overflow with love and warmth when we understand that love is limitless. And that paradoxically, the more we give it away to others, the more we have. In other words, you cultivate love and joy when you give them away. Or to say it differently, love and joy increase when we share them.
This is contrary to the common belief that we need to limit who we give them to - our friends, families and children. It’s as if there’s a belief that there is only a limited amount of love and joy in the world and that therefore they need to be rationed and given only to people who deserve them.
In contrast, unselfish joy recognizes that being happy because others are doing well doesn’t mean that we will have less happiness ourselves. Quite the opposite; it knows that feeling joy for others actually increases our own. So we don’t need to hoard happiness, joy or love. As the Buddha said, “Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared”.
In this way, unselfish joy is never a competition or a contest. We are all on the same side, cheering each other on.
Sharon Salzberg says: "Sympathetic joy (i.e., unselfish joy) is a practice. It takes time and effort to free ourselves of the scarcity story that most of us have learned along the way, the idea that happiness is a competition, and that someone else is grabbing all the joy.”
Another emotion associated with unselfish joy is gratitude. Gratitude flows from a sense of abundance. When there is a feeling of inner abundance, gratitude naturally arises. Gratitude for the abundance of love, joy and happiness, and gratitude for all the gifts of life. When we feel grateful, it is much easier to experience unselfish joy because we don’t want or need anything for ourselves. We already have a feeling of inner abundance so it is only natural to feel unselfish joy for others.
Abundance and gratitude combine to give rise to generosity – the third emotion I associate with unselfish joy. When we have a sense of inner abundance and gratitude, a feeling of generosity arises all on its own. The generosity of unselfish joy is a generosity of the heart. It’s less about being generous by giving someone a material gift or gifts of money or time, and it’s more about giving others the gift of our open and kind hearts.
So I invite you to cultivate unselfish joy by developing a sense of inner abundance, gratitude and generosity. It's often easy to start with someone you love or with a child. Finding joy in their good fortune, accomplishments and qualities can be effortless and uncomplicated. Celebrating when a friend gets a promotion or when a baby takes its first steps. Anything that brings a smile to your face.
I'll end with some advice from Rumi:
"Do not sit long with sadness my friends. When you enter a garden do you look at thorns or flowers? Spend more time with roses and jasmine."
Thank you.
It's really quite simple. Unselfish joy is taking pleasure in the positive things in someone else’s life. It is the joy we can feel when we reflect on other people’s happiness, positive qualities or achievements. It’s the idea that we can be happy just because someone else is happy or doing well. It's also about taking pleasure in the beauty and goodness of life. For example, the joy we feel when we notice a spectacular sunset or a magnificent waterfall. Or the joy we feel when we notice the kindness and generosity of others.
Unselfish joy takes us out of ourselves and our self-centered ways of thinking and puts our attention on others. Displacing thoughts of “I’, “me” and “mine”, it softens the story of self and unlocks warm feelings towards everyone and everything.
Here’s an example: When he was very young, my son used to play T-ball – a version of baseball for very young children. Whenever any of the players scored a run, everyone erupted in cheers. Parents, coaches and even the other kids. It did not matter who scored or which team they were on. Everyone rejoiced in the runner’s accomplishment. His or her achievement became theirs. In the same way, we can take pleasure in others’ happiness.
So now let’s look at unselfish joy in a bit more detail. In my experience, it’s strongly connected with three other emotions: A feeling of inner abundance, gratitude, and generosity.
First, unselfish joy depends on and cultivates a sense of inner abundance. Our hearts overflow with love and warmth when we understand that love is limitless. And that paradoxically, the more we give it away to others, the more we have. In other words, you cultivate love and joy when you give them away. Or to say it differently, love and joy increase when we share them.
This is contrary to the common belief that we need to limit who we give them to - our friends, families and children. It’s as if there’s a belief that there is only a limited amount of love and joy in the world and that therefore they need to be rationed and given only to people who deserve them.
In contrast, unselfish joy recognizes that being happy because others are doing well doesn’t mean that we will have less happiness ourselves. Quite the opposite; it knows that feeling joy for others actually increases our own. So we don’t need to hoard happiness, joy or love. As the Buddha said, “Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared”.
In this way, unselfish joy is never a competition or a contest. We are all on the same side, cheering each other on.
Sharon Salzberg says: "Sympathetic joy (i.e., unselfish joy) is a practice. It takes time and effort to free ourselves of the scarcity story that most of us have learned along the way, the idea that happiness is a competition, and that someone else is grabbing all the joy.”
Another emotion associated with unselfish joy is gratitude. Gratitude flows from a sense of abundance. When there is a feeling of inner abundance, gratitude naturally arises. Gratitude for the abundance of love, joy and happiness, and gratitude for all the gifts of life. When we feel grateful, it is much easier to experience unselfish joy because we don’t want or need anything for ourselves. We already have a feeling of inner abundance so it is only natural to feel unselfish joy for others.
Abundance and gratitude combine to give rise to generosity – the third emotion I associate with unselfish joy. When we have a sense of inner abundance and gratitude, a feeling of generosity arises all on its own. The generosity of unselfish joy is a generosity of the heart. It’s less about being generous by giving someone a material gift or gifts of money or time, and it’s more about giving others the gift of our open and kind hearts.
So I invite you to cultivate unselfish joy by developing a sense of inner abundance, gratitude and generosity. It's often easy to start with someone you love or with a child. Finding joy in their good fortune, accomplishments and qualities can be effortless and uncomplicated. Celebrating when a friend gets a promotion or when a baby takes its first steps. Anything that brings a smile to your face.
I'll end with some advice from Rumi:
"Do not sit long with sadness my friends. When you enter a garden do you look at thorns or flowers? Spend more time with roses and jasmine."
Thank you.