~ Reflections on Suffering ~
Suffering is a universal experience. Everyone experiences it. You can’t be alive and not suffer. This doesn’t mean that we don’t also experience happiness, joy, contentment and other positive emotions. It simply means that suffering is unavoidable, whether it’s physical or emotional. At the very least, we all experience suffering because we get old, get sick and die, and we don’t like it.
But even though suffering is generally regarded as unpleasant, there’s a lot we can learn from it. If we are willing to acknowledge and get curious about our suffering, it has much to teach us and many gifts to offer. As Leonard Cohen sang:
“Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack, a crack in everything
That’s how the light gets in”
Let’s start by considering what it is. I like to define suffering very simply as wanting things to be different from the way they are. In other words, it is what we feel when we don’t like what is happening.
To get a better feel for the range of physical and emotional suffering, I find it helpful to think of it as a continuum. At one end is the feeling of being a bit unsettled or uneasy about what’s happening and at the other is the feeling of compete misery and agony. And in between there are feelings such as discomfort, irritation, impatience, annoyance, frustration, disappointment, dissatisfaction, aggravation, tension, stress, anxiety, depression, sorrow, sadness, grief, anguish, and desperation.
In my experience, the greater the suffering the more we can learn from it. So here are a few gifts or benefits of the acute suffering that I have encountered in my life:
First, I have found that acute suffering naturally increases our compassion for others who are suffering. When we go through a terrible experience – health, financial, legal, relationship or other problems – our compassion for others in a similar situation develops quite naturally. We really get to know how they feel because of how we feel. Because of our suffering, we can relate to others who are suffering in a more heartfelt and authentic way.
Second, suffering has taught me greater humility. When everything is going well, it’s easy to become so caught up in our own success and achievements that we may overlook or ignore the suffering of others. Some people even become arrogant and judgmental, perhaps believing they are somehow immune to suffering. But when we suffer, we know the truth. There is no lasting escape from it.
Third, suffering can bring a sense of gratitude for the simple things in life: the kindness of friends and strangers, a beautiful sunset, a warm cup of tea. When we suffer, we can appreciate what is going well in our lives and life becomes more precious.
Another gift of suffering is that it can make us more resilient, wiser, and more capable than before. Learning from our difficulties, we become more confident in dealing with life’s ups and downs. We learn to surf the waves of life. What doesn’t kill us, makes us stronger.
A final gift of suffering is that it can motivate our spiritual practice. Indeed, most people start to meditate in order to alleviate their suffering. When suffering gets overwhelming, spiritual practice can be a source of healing. In other words, suffering can propel us towards understanding and training our minds in wholesome ways that are conducive to awakening.
To close, there's a true story about Thubten Loden, the spiritual leader of the Tibetan Buddhist Society in Australia.
Over the years, he has often been visited by people seeking his advice in times of despair. And each time, he would ask them:
“Do you want my advice on how to deal with suffering?”
“Oh yes, Geshe-la!” they would sincerely reply.
“Are you quite sure?” he would ask.
“Quite sure, Geshe-la.”
“Then ask for more suffering!” he would say, bringing his palms to his heart. “Please, Universe, give me more suffering and misery. Bring it on! I want more of it!”
This advice may sound hard and unfeeling, but it is a wonderful example of the counter-intuitive approach often used in Buddhist psychology. By seeing ourselves not as victims of suffering, but rather as strong people capable of dealing with it, his advice recommends a powerful shift in how we perceive suffering. It doesn’t deny that it's challenging, but it turns it into a transformative force and makes it easier to bear.
May you learn from your suffering!
For more about the universality of suffering, watch the video here.
But even though suffering is generally regarded as unpleasant, there’s a lot we can learn from it. If we are willing to acknowledge and get curious about our suffering, it has much to teach us and many gifts to offer. As Leonard Cohen sang:
“Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack, a crack in everything
That’s how the light gets in”
Let’s start by considering what it is. I like to define suffering very simply as wanting things to be different from the way they are. In other words, it is what we feel when we don’t like what is happening.
To get a better feel for the range of physical and emotional suffering, I find it helpful to think of it as a continuum. At one end is the feeling of being a bit unsettled or uneasy about what’s happening and at the other is the feeling of compete misery and agony. And in between there are feelings such as discomfort, irritation, impatience, annoyance, frustration, disappointment, dissatisfaction, aggravation, tension, stress, anxiety, depression, sorrow, sadness, grief, anguish, and desperation.
In my experience, the greater the suffering the more we can learn from it. So here are a few gifts or benefits of the acute suffering that I have encountered in my life:
First, I have found that acute suffering naturally increases our compassion for others who are suffering. When we go through a terrible experience – health, financial, legal, relationship or other problems – our compassion for others in a similar situation develops quite naturally. We really get to know how they feel because of how we feel. Because of our suffering, we can relate to others who are suffering in a more heartfelt and authentic way.
Second, suffering has taught me greater humility. When everything is going well, it’s easy to become so caught up in our own success and achievements that we may overlook or ignore the suffering of others. Some people even become arrogant and judgmental, perhaps believing they are somehow immune to suffering. But when we suffer, we know the truth. There is no lasting escape from it.
Third, suffering can bring a sense of gratitude for the simple things in life: the kindness of friends and strangers, a beautiful sunset, a warm cup of tea. When we suffer, we can appreciate what is going well in our lives and life becomes more precious.
Another gift of suffering is that it can make us more resilient, wiser, and more capable than before. Learning from our difficulties, we become more confident in dealing with life’s ups and downs. We learn to surf the waves of life. What doesn’t kill us, makes us stronger.
A final gift of suffering is that it can motivate our spiritual practice. Indeed, most people start to meditate in order to alleviate their suffering. When suffering gets overwhelming, spiritual practice can be a source of healing. In other words, suffering can propel us towards understanding and training our minds in wholesome ways that are conducive to awakening.
To close, there's a true story about Thubten Loden, the spiritual leader of the Tibetan Buddhist Society in Australia.
Over the years, he has often been visited by people seeking his advice in times of despair. And each time, he would ask them:
“Do you want my advice on how to deal with suffering?”
“Oh yes, Geshe-la!” they would sincerely reply.
“Are you quite sure?” he would ask.
“Quite sure, Geshe-la.”
“Then ask for more suffering!” he would say, bringing his palms to his heart. “Please, Universe, give me more suffering and misery. Bring it on! I want more of it!”
This advice may sound hard and unfeeling, but it is a wonderful example of the counter-intuitive approach often used in Buddhist psychology. By seeing ourselves not as victims of suffering, but rather as strong people capable of dealing with it, his advice recommends a powerful shift in how we perceive suffering. It doesn’t deny that it's challenging, but it turns it into a transformative force and makes it easier to bear.
May you learn from your suffering!
For more about the universality of suffering, watch the video here.