~ Living with Uncertainty ~
“Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it,
without knowing what’s going to happen next.”
—Gilda Radner
without knowing what’s going to happen next.”
—Gilda Radner
Paradoxically, uncertainty seems to be one of life’s certainties. Even if we think we know what’s going to happen, life often throws in a wild card and suddenly everything changes. That’s the nature of life. As Robert Redford said in the 1990 movie Havana: “A butterfly can flutter its wings over a flower in China and cause a hurricane in the Caribbean.”
Although life’s inherent uncertainty is obvious, it can be difficult to accept. We human beings love to be in control. We like order and routine because it makes us feel safe. So the uncertain nature of life can make us feel anxious and afraid. Indeed, uncertainty is often very scary because it makes us feel powerless, helpless and vulnerable.
But as much as we would like to deny it, we live with uncertainty every day of our lives. We take for granted that things will remain relatively constant and have a hard time accepting that huge changes can happen with little or no warning. As distressing as it is to consider, the truth is that life can change on a dime.
You show up for work only to be told that your position has been eliminated, and now you’re jobless and without any source of income. You find out that your spouse has been having an affair, and suddenly you are in a panic about what the future holds and how your life will change. The doctor tells you have a serious health condition, and life itself becomes uncertain. In situations like these, fear and anxiety can take over. What will happen? Can I handle it? Will I be OK?
I find it helpful to think about two related types of uncertainty. First, there’s uncertainty about the future. Even with scientific advances, no-one can predict the future with complete certainty. I may be in a car accident tomorrow or I may not. I may win the lottery tomorrow or I may not. I don’t know what will happen next. Second, there’s the uncertainty about how I will respond to whatever happens. What would I do if I was in a car accident or won the lottery? How would I handle it? How would I cope?
Understanding these two types of uncertainty can be useful because it enables us to respond wisely. There’s nothing I can do about the first type of uncertainty, so why worry about it? Anxiety and worry about things we can’t control is a waste of time and energy and can leave us feeling depressed and exhausted. The best way to work with this type of uncertainty is to accept it, even though this can be difficult.
The upside of this type of uncertainty is that it holds possibilities and potential, as well as threat and danger. If you think about it, most of our fears about uncertainty are about all the dreadful things we assume will happen, rather than about the uncertainty itself. We project our worst scenarios onto the uncertainty. But on its own, uncertainty can contain delightful possibilities as well as terrifying dangers. It all depends on how we hold it – as a danger or as an opportunity. Can we see the proverbial glass as half full and half empty at the same time?
This leads me to the second type of uncertainty – uncertainty about how I will respond to unanticipated events. And in this, we always have a choice, if we can see it. Viktor Frankl, who survived the horrors of the World War 2 concentration camps said “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way”.
This is great news because it means we can change the way we see life. And this, in turn, means that we can cope with whatever happens. In other words, as the Serenity Prayer says “Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”
This is the spiritual path – being with the fundamental uncertainty of life and living fully in its mystery. As Buddhist teacher Pema Chodron says “Sticking with that uncertainty, getting the knack of relaxing in the midst of chaos, learning not to panic — this is the spiritual path.”
Although life’s inherent uncertainty is obvious, it can be difficult to accept. We human beings love to be in control. We like order and routine because it makes us feel safe. So the uncertain nature of life can make us feel anxious and afraid. Indeed, uncertainty is often very scary because it makes us feel powerless, helpless and vulnerable.
But as much as we would like to deny it, we live with uncertainty every day of our lives. We take for granted that things will remain relatively constant and have a hard time accepting that huge changes can happen with little or no warning. As distressing as it is to consider, the truth is that life can change on a dime.
You show up for work only to be told that your position has been eliminated, and now you’re jobless and without any source of income. You find out that your spouse has been having an affair, and suddenly you are in a panic about what the future holds and how your life will change. The doctor tells you have a serious health condition, and life itself becomes uncertain. In situations like these, fear and anxiety can take over. What will happen? Can I handle it? Will I be OK?
I find it helpful to think about two related types of uncertainty. First, there’s uncertainty about the future. Even with scientific advances, no-one can predict the future with complete certainty. I may be in a car accident tomorrow or I may not. I may win the lottery tomorrow or I may not. I don’t know what will happen next. Second, there’s the uncertainty about how I will respond to whatever happens. What would I do if I was in a car accident or won the lottery? How would I handle it? How would I cope?
Understanding these two types of uncertainty can be useful because it enables us to respond wisely. There’s nothing I can do about the first type of uncertainty, so why worry about it? Anxiety and worry about things we can’t control is a waste of time and energy and can leave us feeling depressed and exhausted. The best way to work with this type of uncertainty is to accept it, even though this can be difficult.
The upside of this type of uncertainty is that it holds possibilities and potential, as well as threat and danger. If you think about it, most of our fears about uncertainty are about all the dreadful things we assume will happen, rather than about the uncertainty itself. We project our worst scenarios onto the uncertainty. But on its own, uncertainty can contain delightful possibilities as well as terrifying dangers. It all depends on how we hold it – as a danger or as an opportunity. Can we see the proverbial glass as half full and half empty at the same time?
This leads me to the second type of uncertainty – uncertainty about how I will respond to unanticipated events. And in this, we always have a choice, if we can see it. Viktor Frankl, who survived the horrors of the World War 2 concentration camps said “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way”.
This is great news because it means we can change the way we see life. And this, in turn, means that we can cope with whatever happens. In other words, as the Serenity Prayer says “Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”
This is the spiritual path – being with the fundamental uncertainty of life and living fully in its mystery. As Buddhist teacher Pema Chodron says “Sticking with that uncertainty, getting the knack of relaxing in the midst of chaos, learning not to panic — this is the spiritual path.”