~ An Equanimous Heart ~

Equanimity is about balance and spaciousness.
It’s about holding life’s ten thousand joys and ten thousand sorrows
in the vastness of our hearts. It’s about welcoming everything and anything,
and accepting it just as it is.

 
A few months ago I was talking with a friend who is always very calm and relaxed, no matter what is going on. I asked her how she could be so easy-going with all the craziness in the world. She told me that her secret was to practice equanimity. Some people think of equanimity as being a kind of detached, cold aloofness. But this is a mistaken view. Equanimity is not unfeeling or uncaring. Rather, it is about holding everything in our heart because it is so vast. An equanimous heart is a heart that is open, receptive, and understanding.
 
Meditation teacher Sharon Salzberg speaks of equanimity as a "spacious stillness of mind", within which we can remain connected to others and all that happens around us, while remaining free of the habit of grasping at the pleasant and pushing away the unpleasant. In other words, equanimity is the capacity that enables us to respond to life’s ups and downs without getting caught up in attachment or aversion and wanting things to be different from how they are.
 
So how can we develop equanimity?
 
The first thing is obvious and it’s to intentionally cultivate a calm, open and curious mind. And this requires recognizing that true and lasting contentment does not depend on getting what we want, or having life be the way we think it should be. Indeed, having expectations about ourselves, others or life itself is often a recipe for disappointment and dissatisfaction. But when we can accept life just as it is – whether we like it or not – then there is the possibility of equanimity and happiness.
 
 A second way to cultivate equanimity is to realize that our experience is not unique or special. Everyone has similar thoughts, feelings and emotions. We all want to be happy, healthy and safe. And we all feel sadness, joy, anger, excitement, fear and every other emotion. In other words, our experiences are not personal to us. So we don’t need to identify with them. It’s not really MY anger or MY sadness. It’s just anger or sadness that happen to be showing up in my mind at that particular moment.
 
So we can just notice whatever arises in our awareness, without making it personal or all about us. We can simply bear witness to whatever experience is present, without telling a story about it, getting entangled in it, or believing that it is true.

A third thing we can do to cultivate equanimity is to remember that we are not wholly responsible for someone else's happiness and well-being. Everyone has their own life to live. That said, it’s important to remember that equanimity is never cold, heartless or lacking in compassion, but it is about not taking everything on ourselves.

A fourth way to cultivate equanimity is having the insight to see that all things are impermanent. Recognizing that everything changes over time and that nothing stays the same. This is huge and it is one of the Buddha’s most powerful insights. Everything is constantly changing, even if we are not aware of it. No-one is the same person they were yesterday or as they will be tomorrow. The cells in our bodies die and are replaced. Our thoughts and emotions are different from yesterday. Our actions are different from yesterday. Nothing is permanent and we can’t hold on to anything because it will change sooner or later. I find this thought extremely liberating. It frees me up from my attachment to what I want and don’t want and it makes me feel more relaxed and more equanimous.

There’s a Buddhist chant about this that I find very helpful. It goes like this: “All things are impermanent. They are arising and passing away. Understanding this deeply, brings the greatest happiness, which is peace.”

I'd like to conclude with a poem about equanimity written by one of the first Buddhist nuns about 2,500 years ago:

"If your mind becomes firm like a rock
and no longer shakes
In a world where everything is shaking
Your mind will be your greatest friend
and suffering will not come your way."

Thank you.