~ Wise Speech ~
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Question: What is the most destructive organ in the human body? Answer: The tongue Question: What is the most helpful organ in the human body? Answer: The tongue |
It’s true. Words can destroy people and relationships and lead to a lot of suffering. And they can also lead to happiness and contentment. So how can we speak in a way that leads to happiness and contentment rather than suffering? This is what is called wise or right speech in Buddhism.
Speech is our primary mode of interacting with each other. It’s been estimated that the average person speaks about 7,000 words a day. And on top of that we talk to ourselves a lot – that narrative that’s constantly running in the mind. So speaking with others and with ourselves with care is the most effective tool we have for expressing ourselves and improving our relationships with ourselves and with others.
Words often produce powerful, lasting effects on both the speaker and the listener. As some wise person said: “You can never take back a stone after it’s thrown, a word after it’s spoken, an action after it’s done and time once it’s passed.” Every spoken and written word has the potential to harm or to benefit yourself and others. The words we say to ourselves and others shape us, our relationships and our world.
You receive and interpret the words of others, and they do the same with yours. Through speech, we recognize people who are kind as kind. We recognize angry people as angry; depressed as depressed; confused as confused; exhausted as exhausted; happy as happy and so on. It’s hard to hide. You can fake it for a short period of time, but our true feelings are often apparent to anyone who’s paying attention.
Wise speech is also beneficial to the speaker because it helps to train the mind. As we train ourselves in wise speech, we are also training our minds. Thanissaro Bhkikku, an American Buddhist monk talked about wise speech: “If you can’t control your mouth, there’s no way you can hope to control your mind. This is why right speech is so important in day-to-day practice.”
So how can we cultivate wise speech?
Thankfully, the Buddha offers us plenty of advice. He encourages us to avoid four types of harmful speech:
- Lying, being dishonest or deceitful - words spoken with the intent of misrepresenting the truth;
- Divisive, disruptive or contentious speech - words spoken with the intent of creating rifts between people;
- Harsh, cruel or unkind speech – words spoken with the intent of hurting another person’s feelings; and
- Idle or frivolous chatter and gossip – words spoken with no purpose or intent.
To turn these four types of harmful speech around, we might say that wise speech means:
- Telling the truth as we understand it. Being trustworthy and honest. Authentic and real.
- Speaking in ways that emphasize our commonalities and interdependence, while appreciating our differences.
- Speaking in ways that are kind, loving and gentle, and
- Only talking when we have a clear purpose and intention about what we want to say.
I’ll end with some words about words from Yunus Emre, a Sufi mystic who lived in the late 13th and early 14th centuries:
“A single word can brighten the face
of one who knows the value of words.
Ripened in silence, a single word
acquires a great energy for work.
War is cut short by a word,
and a word heals the wounds, and there’s a word that changes
poison into butter and honey.
Let a word mature inside yourself.
Withhold the unripened thought.
Come and understand the kind of word
that reduces money and riches to dust.
Know when to speak a word
and when not to speak at all.”
Speech is our primary mode of interacting with each other. It’s been estimated that the average person speaks about 7,000 words a day. And on top of that we talk to ourselves a lot – that narrative that’s constantly running in the mind. So speaking with others and with ourselves with care is the most effective tool we have for expressing ourselves and improving our relationships with ourselves and with others.
Words often produce powerful, lasting effects on both the speaker and the listener. As some wise person said: “You can never take back a stone after it’s thrown, a word after it’s spoken, an action after it’s done and time once it’s passed.” Every spoken and written word has the potential to harm or to benefit yourself and others. The words we say to ourselves and others shape us, our relationships and our world.
You receive and interpret the words of others, and they do the same with yours. Through speech, we recognize people who are kind as kind. We recognize angry people as angry; depressed as depressed; confused as confused; exhausted as exhausted; happy as happy and so on. It’s hard to hide. You can fake it for a short period of time, but our true feelings are often apparent to anyone who’s paying attention.
Wise speech is also beneficial to the speaker because it helps to train the mind. As we train ourselves in wise speech, we are also training our minds. Thanissaro Bhkikku, an American Buddhist monk talked about wise speech: “If you can’t control your mouth, there’s no way you can hope to control your mind. This is why right speech is so important in day-to-day practice.”
So how can we cultivate wise speech?
Thankfully, the Buddha offers us plenty of advice. He encourages us to avoid four types of harmful speech:
- Lying, being dishonest or deceitful - words spoken with the intent of misrepresenting the truth;
- Divisive, disruptive or contentious speech - words spoken with the intent of creating rifts between people;
- Harsh, cruel or unkind speech – words spoken with the intent of hurting another person’s feelings; and
- Idle or frivolous chatter and gossip – words spoken with no purpose or intent.
To turn these four types of harmful speech around, we might say that wise speech means:
- Telling the truth as we understand it. Being trustworthy and honest. Authentic and real.
- Speaking in ways that emphasize our commonalities and interdependence, while appreciating our differences.
- Speaking in ways that are kind, loving and gentle, and
- Only talking when we have a clear purpose and intention about what we want to say.
I’ll end with some words about words from Yunus Emre, a Sufi mystic who lived in the late 13th and early 14th centuries:
“A single word can brighten the face
of one who knows the value of words.
Ripened in silence, a single word
acquires a great energy for work.
War is cut short by a word,
and a word heals the wounds, and there’s a word that changes
poison into butter and honey.
Let a word mature inside yourself.
Withhold the unripened thought.
Come and understand the kind of word
that reduces money and riches to dust.
Know when to speak a word
and when not to speak at all.”