~ Reflection on Intentions ~
It’s January, the start of a new year, and it seems only natural to consider one’s intentions for the coming year. So I thought it might be appropriate to post a reflection about intention – what it is and why it is helpful, as well as how to work with one.
Let’s start with what intention is and is not. First and foremost, intention is a way of thinking rather than a goal. It is a direction rather than a destination. Even though we don’t necessarily know what the destination looks like, how we will get there, or whether we’ll get there.
Intentions are often broader and more general than goals. For example, saying something like “My goal is to meditate every day” is much more specific than saying something like “I intend to meditate every day”. For this reason, it can be helpful to be clear on your intentions, before you set a goal for yourself.
In addition, because goals are more specific, there can be an attachment or a clinging to something we want in the future. In contrast, intentions are about how we think and act in the present moment. Unlike goals, they are about what we do in the here-and-now, rather than a projection into the future.
Intention is what gives us the get up and go and stick-to-itness we need when our energy and enthusiasm falter. Even if we make our best effort to honor our intentions and fail, at least we have tried. On the other hand, if we don’t attain our goals, there can be a feeling of failure or disappointment.
Like goals, intentions require sustained attention and effort. You have to work at them, even when you don’t feel like it. You make the effort because you want to honor your intention to the best of your ability. For this reason, intentions made up on the spur of the moment can be very difficult to sustain; intentions that emerge over time are more likely to stick.
Quaker educator Parker Palmer says this about intentions: “Before you tell your life what you intend to do with it, listen for what it intends to do with you. Before you tell your life what truths and values you have decided to live up to, let your life tell you what truths you embody, what values you represent”. I have found this a very helpful way to think.
For example, I am vegetarian. I have an intention not to eat meat. But this intention did not just come to me one day in a flash of lightening. It wasn’t something I simply decided to do. Rather, it is an intention that emerged over a period of many years during which it gradually became clear to me that in most cases eating meat violated my moral code and my deepest values. And once I realized this, it was as if a veil was lifted and something was revealed. It wasn’t anything I imposed on myself. It just seemed obvious.
Now, I’d like to say a few words about how to work with intentions.
After you have an intention, the first step is to remember it. Because if you don’t remember it, you won’t be able to work with it. So remembering is key. In particular, we can use our mindfulness to recall our intentions. As someone who can be forgetful, I have developed several ways to remember my long term intentions.
One is to put sticky notes on my bathroom mirror or computer. This way, I can’t avoid being reminded. Another is that I repeat my intentions to myself every morning before I meditate. Specifically, I take the five basic precepts of Buddhism:
"I undertake the training to abstain from doing harm.
I undertake the training to abstain from taking what is not given.
I undertake the training to abstain from sexual misconduct.
I undertake the training to abstain from false speech.
I undertake the training to abstain from intoxication."
A second step is to ask yourself whether your thoughts, words and actions are consistent with your intentions every day. What’s important here is to be gentle and kind with yourself. This is not an interrogation or an examination. Rather, it is a loving inquiry into whether you honored your intentions or not. Then listen to what your heart tells you.
If you feel that your thoughts, words or actions are consistent with your intentions, give yourself a pat on the back and offer yourself appreciation and gratitude, sensing into any feelings that arise in your body, such as warmth, love, caring, tenderness. Noticing how it feels to live according to your intentions.
And if you feel that your thoughts, words or actions are not consistent with your intentions, give yourself a pat on the back for recognizing the inconsistency and offer yourself appreciation and gratitude for your self awareness.
If you feel that your thoughts, words or actions were not consistent with your intentions, ask yourself a follow up question – why? Why was there an inconsistency between your intentions and what you thought, said or did? Again, ask this question without blame or self-judgment, just a gentle inquiry.
Perhaps you forgot your intention in the heat of the moment. Perhaps you were emotionally triggered or some strong desire or aversion kicked in. Perhaps there was a conflict between your intentions? Once you understand why your actions were not consistent with your intentions, do whatever is appropriate. This could be re-committing to or re-affirming your original intention or perhaps modifying it in some way. Whatever you do to align your intentions and your actions, do it with self-compassion and kindness.
Finally, offer yourself lovingkindness and compassion. Recognize that no-one can live up to their intentions all the time. This doesn’t mean we are bad people. It simply means we are human and just like everyone else. Moreover, we can often learn something from our so-called failures.
You might also offer yourself forgiveness or say to yourself something like “I love and accept myself, just as I am”. Anything that opens your heart to yourself and prevents it from constricting.
Whatever your intentions are for this year, remember that they will not work unless you work with them – gently, lovingly and patiently.
For more about intentions, watch the video here.
Let’s start with what intention is and is not. First and foremost, intention is a way of thinking rather than a goal. It is a direction rather than a destination. Even though we don’t necessarily know what the destination looks like, how we will get there, or whether we’ll get there.
Intentions are often broader and more general than goals. For example, saying something like “My goal is to meditate every day” is much more specific than saying something like “I intend to meditate every day”. For this reason, it can be helpful to be clear on your intentions, before you set a goal for yourself.
In addition, because goals are more specific, there can be an attachment or a clinging to something we want in the future. In contrast, intentions are about how we think and act in the present moment. Unlike goals, they are about what we do in the here-and-now, rather than a projection into the future.
Intention is what gives us the get up and go and stick-to-itness we need when our energy and enthusiasm falter. Even if we make our best effort to honor our intentions and fail, at least we have tried. On the other hand, if we don’t attain our goals, there can be a feeling of failure or disappointment.
Like goals, intentions require sustained attention and effort. You have to work at them, even when you don’t feel like it. You make the effort because you want to honor your intention to the best of your ability. For this reason, intentions made up on the spur of the moment can be very difficult to sustain; intentions that emerge over time are more likely to stick.
Quaker educator Parker Palmer says this about intentions: “Before you tell your life what you intend to do with it, listen for what it intends to do with you. Before you tell your life what truths and values you have decided to live up to, let your life tell you what truths you embody, what values you represent”. I have found this a very helpful way to think.
For example, I am vegetarian. I have an intention not to eat meat. But this intention did not just come to me one day in a flash of lightening. It wasn’t something I simply decided to do. Rather, it is an intention that emerged over a period of many years during which it gradually became clear to me that in most cases eating meat violated my moral code and my deepest values. And once I realized this, it was as if a veil was lifted and something was revealed. It wasn’t anything I imposed on myself. It just seemed obvious.
Now, I’d like to say a few words about how to work with intentions.
After you have an intention, the first step is to remember it. Because if you don’t remember it, you won’t be able to work with it. So remembering is key. In particular, we can use our mindfulness to recall our intentions. As someone who can be forgetful, I have developed several ways to remember my long term intentions.
One is to put sticky notes on my bathroom mirror or computer. This way, I can’t avoid being reminded. Another is that I repeat my intentions to myself every morning before I meditate. Specifically, I take the five basic precepts of Buddhism:
"I undertake the training to abstain from doing harm.
I undertake the training to abstain from taking what is not given.
I undertake the training to abstain from sexual misconduct.
I undertake the training to abstain from false speech.
I undertake the training to abstain from intoxication."
A second step is to ask yourself whether your thoughts, words and actions are consistent with your intentions every day. What’s important here is to be gentle and kind with yourself. This is not an interrogation or an examination. Rather, it is a loving inquiry into whether you honored your intentions or not. Then listen to what your heart tells you.
If you feel that your thoughts, words or actions are consistent with your intentions, give yourself a pat on the back and offer yourself appreciation and gratitude, sensing into any feelings that arise in your body, such as warmth, love, caring, tenderness. Noticing how it feels to live according to your intentions.
And if you feel that your thoughts, words or actions are not consistent with your intentions, give yourself a pat on the back for recognizing the inconsistency and offer yourself appreciation and gratitude for your self awareness.
If you feel that your thoughts, words or actions were not consistent with your intentions, ask yourself a follow up question – why? Why was there an inconsistency between your intentions and what you thought, said or did? Again, ask this question without blame or self-judgment, just a gentle inquiry.
Perhaps you forgot your intention in the heat of the moment. Perhaps you were emotionally triggered or some strong desire or aversion kicked in. Perhaps there was a conflict between your intentions? Once you understand why your actions were not consistent with your intentions, do whatever is appropriate. This could be re-committing to or re-affirming your original intention or perhaps modifying it in some way. Whatever you do to align your intentions and your actions, do it with self-compassion and kindness.
Finally, offer yourself lovingkindness and compassion. Recognize that no-one can live up to their intentions all the time. This doesn’t mean we are bad people. It simply means we are human and just like everyone else. Moreover, we can often learn something from our so-called failures.
You might also offer yourself forgiveness or say to yourself something like “I love and accept myself, just as I am”. Anything that opens your heart to yourself and prevents it from constricting.
Whatever your intentions are for this year, remember that they will not work unless you work with them – gently, lovingly and patiently.
For more about intentions, watch the video here.